


Torn

by imastylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Boys Kissing, Boys Love - Freeform, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, porn industry, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:22:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imastylinson/pseuds/imastylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Welcome to my mess of a home." He said sheepishly, smiling at the kid who was staring at the room before him with wide eyes. "It's not that bad, is it?" He asked hopelessly, sulking a bit and that made the kid giggle. He actually giggled. And wow! "Dimples!" Louis thought. "He's even more beautiful now."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torn

The sight before him; the two-story mansion standing out fabulously under the blinding, hot summer sun, made him sigh as he put his car in park and jumped out.  
First day at work, after a very refreshing, definitely necessary week off, Louis was too hyper and energetic for someone at 8 o’clock, on a Monday morning. Even he, himself is very grumpy at this time of day. 

As soon as he opened the door, he was greeted by the usual view of naked or half-naked men walking around, going into rooms, getting out of rooms, going upstairs or descending the same stairs. He knew all of them.  
Everyone smiled upon seeing him and there were friendly waves of hands, genuine smiles and "Hi’s” and "Howdy’s” thrown his way, which to each he replied with a nod and "Hey" or "Nice man, howdy yourself man?".

"Hey Lou! How was your trip?" Liam, Louis' best friend and colleague greeted him with a big smile. He was holding a few papers, probably scripts for the video he was going to film.

"Why, hello my friend!" Louis chirped happily, hugging his best mate tight. "It was absolutely bonkers! Thank you very much." It really was. That's why he's still hyper. "There was this huge cr-" As soon as he started to give an exaggerated story of his trip to Los Angeles a scream from somewhere in the building, from one of the many rooms, interrupted him. Which, made him frown, and Liam grunted in annoyance:"Oh ,shit!"

Normally, hearing screams, people crying, grunting, moaning and whatever else, you name it, is typical in this job. Their job. Because, that's what happens in the porn industry all the time. But this one was different. The scream wasn't from pleasure, and it wasn't fake. After all these years working here Louis could tell, he could distinguish the sounds his actors made. This one wasn't familiar, and it was definitely filled with actual pain and fear. Besides, Liam actually cursed. Liam never curses.

"The fuck?" Louis asked, arching one eyebrow as he gave his friend a confused look.

Again, the scream travelled through the walls and reached Louis' ears. This time louder. He ran towards where he guessed the sound was coming from and as soon as he reached the door he unceremoniously yanked it open.  
What he saw there made his blood freeze in his veins. His knuckles turned white on the handle of the door, and he was furious in a blink of an eye. The super hyper Louis from this morning long gone. 

There, in the middle of the room, a trembling little boy was crying in pain, tears streaming down his cheeks as he clawed at the sheets and kicked the air aimlessly in order to free himself from Adam's vice grip. The head of Adam's massive cock intruded the boy's small ass, as he brutally held the boy's hips with both hands forcing him down on the mattress, wicked grin on his lips as if he was enjoying this.

"Stop!" Louis shouted, stomping in the room and pushing Adam away. "What the actual fuck you think you're doing you dickheads?" He snarled, glaring at everyone in the room.

"Relax, boss." Adam tried calming his boss, a wicked grin on his face. Louis wanted to punch that ugly grin off that face so badly. "It's the kid's job now, he signed up for it and might as well get used to it all."

Seething, Louis literally barked at Adam, "He's fuckin' terrified. Which means he has no fuckin' clue what the fuck is happening here!" Then he turned towards the bed where now lay a small lump, covered by the dirty, ruffled sheets. The said lump was trembling. Louis stepped towards the bed slowly. "Hey kid, you okay there?" He asked gently. "My name's Louis. And I'm gonna take you away right now." He continued.

"This is ridiculous!" It was Adam groaning. "This is his second time and he's still acting like a little girl." His cock was awfully hard and this was the worst cock blocking event of the year. No, scratch that, the most humiliating in the cock blocking history.

Now sitting on the edge of the bed, carefully, Louis turned to glare at his embarrassed and sexually frustrated employee while gritting his teeth; "If you still want your cock filmed while getting paid for it, you better shut your face right now!" 

That shut Adam up and he left the room. An angry Louis is a very unpleasant Louis and not even the biggest, cockiest, and the most dangerous men dared to go against him.

"I'm gonna get you outta here." Louis started talking to the boy beneath the sheets as the staff in the room started to evacuate. "Can you walk, love?" He asked. The terrified boy just shook his head. "So, I'm gonna have to carry you out of this room and take you somewhere better. Ok?" He said.  
Nothing. No reaction. Only the shivering and the sniffling continued. So, gently and cautiously, Louis put his hand on what he supposed was the boy's shoulder. 

"What's your name kid?" The little boy flinched but that was it. No kicking or screaming followed. Louis tried to ignore that but it actually broke his heart. What had they done to this kid?  
"C'mon love. Tell me your name. I can't keep calling you kid, right?" He tried again, hopeful.  
"H-Harry..." a very weak, shaking and hoarse voice replied. The boy had been screaming at the top of his lungs, Louis was sure he was bleeding somewhere in his throat, and these bastards just kept filming it. 

"Nice name." Louis actually smiled. "Okay Harry. I'm gonna pick you up gently and take you to my room." Louis whispered to Harry as he slowly tried to do what he was saying. "Don't panic, okay? I'm not gonna hurt you, love."  
Harry's body tensed in Louis' strong arms as he held him. Louis really wanted to cry. 

****

Louis' room was the biggest room in the mansion, and it was the only one which had a door leading to another smaller yet very private room.  
The boy was asleep now in Louis' more private and smaller room with the door slightly ajar just in case. He was lying on the big, soft, comfy sofa.

When they made it back to the room, the little boy was still trembling and crying, still totally scared shitless. Louis had helped Harry put on his clothes and then gently stroked his curly hair, which he found was very helpful in calming Harry down, until the boy fell asleep, his head on Louis' lap.

Harry was very beautiful and also very fragile at the same time. He looked so innocent. How could they do this to someone like Harry?

A very light knock on the door and then it opened, Liam letting himself in. Looking at the two on the sofa, the director slowly whispered, "Can we talk, Lou?"

Liam, his best friend, his colleague, one of the few people Louis had ever trusted or loved, was standing there, truly contrite, avoiding eye contact.

The boss nodded his head as he tried to gently remove Harry's head from his lap and put it on the cushion without waking him up. The curly head boy was asleep but his expression wasn't peaceful at all. The boy reminded Louis of his own younger siblings. What would Louis do, if someone hurt them like his people hurt Harry? Probably murder the ones responsible.

"Follow me." He whispered sternly as he passed Liam and stepped inside the bigger room. "I'm listening." He said, crossing his arms over his chest as his friend stopped in the middle of the room after closing the door.

"The kid came here two days ago looking for a job." A very nervous Liam started explaining. "Saying he really needed it, and that a certain Simon Cowell had sent him here."

"The Simon Cowell?" Louis gasped. Simon was a friend. He would send them "actors", as he liked to call it, and he was the one who helped them run their own business at a very young age. Simon was their aegis in a way.

"The kid's pretty Louis. Even you can't deny that." Liam stated.  
Well, yeah, Louis knew that and he wasn't ever going to deny that. But still.

"What was the rule Li?" Louis questioned with a frown.  
"Lou-"  
"What was it?" He was gritting his teeth, trying to keep his voice down.  
"No kids in our business. No one younger than eighteen. But he said he was sixteen and really, really needed the job and that sixteen is legal and that he needed the money." The younger man said quietly, not looking at his boss. "So, I just thought he's pretty and he’s helpless, so why the hell not? Thought we both benefited from this deal; we got a pretty boy and he got the money. I had no idea he was lying to me."

"And why was that?" Louis asked, staring at Liam, dismissing the excuses he was making. "Why did we set that rule back then?"

Now, Liam looked at his boss for a brief second before releasing a shaky nervous breath. "Because there are so many kids out there like Harry, who need money but can't find a proper job. Because they think they know what they're doing but the thing is, they have no freakin' idea what they're getting themselves into." He balled his hands into strong fists, the knuckles turning white. "Fucking hell, Lou!" He was glaring at the floor, trying hard to control his voice. "You weren't there and this boy was crying in the office saying he would do anything for a few bucks. He was begging for it. I didn't know what else to do." 

Liam is a big man and the first time you see him, you think he's probably a muscular heartless man who would murder you at the drop of a hat. But he's a gentleman, with a heart of gold who loves Disney movies. Not intimidating at all. He's anything but brutal or mean or cruel. Point is, he didn't want to hire the boy either, but money never comes for free and they were a porn industry not a charity industry. If such thing ever existed.

The kid in the other room, Harry, screamed and Louis ran to him to see what the problem was. He was sitting alarmed and crying on the sofa, trembling.  
Nightmare. Louis thought. They gave this poor boy nightmares to deal with for God knows how long. 

"Hey, it's ok. I'm here." Louis said to Harry as he slowly sat next to him. Though he didn't expect the boy to literally jump into his arms immediately and turn into a ball on his lap. Louis, being the older brother all his life, hugged the crying boy tight and started running his hand through the curls soothingly, murmuring reassuring words to the boy's hair. "It's gonna be alright Harry. I promise. I'm gonna make things right."

Liam left them alone silently, without them noticing.

***

"Are you out of your mind?" Zayn, his second best mate and one of his actors, whisper-shouted at Louis as he was packing his stuff, getting ready to go home. Liam was leaning against the door watching the fidgety little boy on the sofa as Zayn and Louis argued with hushed voices. Louis was still mad and Liam was still sorry.

"This is insane, Lou. You can't just take him home!" Zayn tried again.  
Finished with packing and putting away the documents and folders in their respective places, Louis turned to face an annoyed Zayn. "Insane, is what your boyfriend did when he hired a twelve years old kid. Insane, is letting the boy who was damaged because of the oral sex he did yesterday leave and stay the night on the bench in the waiting hall of the hospital where his mother was hospitalized. That is also what Liam did." 

With that, he turned his head, addressing the silent man by the door bitterly, "Really Liam? First job for a twelve year old is to give head to three guys at the same time? I'm sure if he hadn't freaked out, you would've proudly made a double penetration video or something, right?" Liam flinched under his angry glare. Louis turned to Zayn again; “I'm just trying to clean his mess." He added.

"He's not my boyfriend, you twat!" Zayn growled. He loved Liam a lot but the man had made it clear from the start that he was as straight as a stick. So, there's that. "The kid said he was sixteen!" Zayn defended his best mate/love through clenched teeth.  
"Bullshit!" The boss nearly shouted, slamming his hands on his desk, "That is bullshit and you know it! ID cards are what we ask for in these situations! We can't just believe what we're told." With that he walked passed his actor and friend and stepped in the other room where Harry was sitting. "You ready kid?" He asked smiling. The boy looked at an angry Zayn then at a sad big Liam then at his savior and nodded. 

Jumping to his feet, he walked towards Louis and held his hand, hiding behind the older man. Harry's little hand taking his, made his heart warm. "See you guys tomorrow." Louis said, walking away, Harry following behind.

"You never made a mistake in your life?" It was Liam. His voice quiet, sad and tearful.  
Louis stopped, hand resting on the doorknob. He didn't want to hurt Liam. But this thing, was a big mistake.  
"No, Li. I made a lot of mistakes in my life. And you know that better than anyone." He replied. "And that's the thing; I'm the one who is reckless and stupid and careless, not you. You're always the one who makes things right. That's why I'm sad."

"You're disappointed, Lou." Liam said. Zayn stepped closer to a very hurt Liam and put a hand on his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry Li." That was what their boss said before leaving the room and then the mansion, Harry holding his hand tight and following behind. Never letting go. 

***

Unlocking the door, Louis stepped inside and turned on the light of his flat. "Welcome to my mess of a home." He said sheepishly, smiling at the kid who was staring at the room before him with wide eyes. "It's not that bad, is it?" He asked hopelessly, sulking a bit and that made the kid giggle. He actually giggled. And wow! "Dimples!" Louis thought. "He's even more beautiful now." 

It was a silent moment of Harry and Louis standing in the foyer, the latter staring at the boy before him, wondering what could possibly make a very young kid like Harry want to work as a porn actor.

Just then the boy's tummy grumbled loudly, embarrassing him, as he scratched at his belly and hung his head to hide his flushing face from Louis. And God bless Louis for being a cruel grown-up, because he barked in laughter. "He's cute." In his thoughts.

"C'mon! Go take a shower or whatever while I make tea." Louis said with a big smile. "You like tea, right?"  
The boy just nodded his head, not looking at Louis. "I would've cooked something for us right away, but trust me, you don't want me in the kitchen. Like, never ever." Harry stifled a giggle behind his hand, still not looking up at Louis. "So, while you're taking a very long shower, I'll make tea and order us a pizza. That okay kid?"

"Y-yeah." Harry nodded. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me babe." Louis whispered, as he showed the boy where the bathroom was. "We probably ruined your life. Don't you ever thank us horrible people." He wanted to say but the boy was smiling, so Louis bit his tongue to trap the words.

 

After Harry took a shower and changed into a pair of pajamas which belonged to Louis' siblings, meaning they were all girly and pink, they sat on the big comfy couch in front of the TV set, sipping at their tea, waiting for their pizza to arrive.

The TV was on but Louis had turned down the volume so it was just a murmur in the background. They were both quiet, Harry probably pondering about what to do next and Louis struggling with himself about how to ask him the question.

"Do you wanna talk about it, Harry?" Louis asked.  
Harry looked up at the man sitting next to him with sad glassy green eyes, his dimples long gone. "You know, about...why you were there? What made you beg for that… job." Louis added awkwardly.  
Usually talking helps. It is good to talk. Keeping things in never helped anyone.  
The boy looked down at his tea, his pale face covered by a curtain of curly hair. 

"Mom's sick." He replied, voice low and hurt. "Dad left and took Gemma with. I needed money, had to help mom. I-" a quiet sob escaped his trembling lips. "Mom needed me..."  
It was instinct, really. He didn't plan it out, didn’t even think before doing it, but Louis wrapped a hand around Harry's shaking shoulders and pulled him to his side, stroking his hair and rubbing his back.  
"Shh... you can still help her."  
"No. She's very sick... she needs medicine, good doctors... I can't... I couldn't take care of her... I couldn't do the one job I could find because… because it was painful... I failed... Mom's in so much pain and I acted so selfish when I couldn't handle the pain of that-" Harry continued sobbing and talking, and Louis let him, knowing Harry needed it. "Take me back to work tomorrow? I promise I will do it this time! I promise I won't scream or back out. I will do whatever you tell me to do. Just please-" The tears, the big lump in his throat and the heavy pain on his chest stopped the words, his pleas.

It was heartbreaking. 

Louis was desperate. What could he do? This boy was devastated. Harry needed help.  
"Hey, Hazz. Don't worry babe. We'll take care of your mom, ok? I'll try to help her. I'll do everything I can, I promise, ok? Just don’t cry." He said. Harry clutching at Louis’ shirt as if it was a lifeline, the only thread of hope. "But I will not take you back there. Never."

"Please." Harry tried to beg. His tears soaking Louis' t-shirt.

"Never. I'll take care of you and your mom. I’ll do whatever I can. You can stay with me. I will do anything. But I won't, I can't ruin your life. I can’t do this to you. You’re too young for this." 

Why was he saying all these? Why was he making these promises? Why was he so desperate to help this boy? He didn't know. He didn't even care, as long as the boy in his arms stopped crying and smiled that big dimpled smile again. Louis didn't care. "You're gonna be ok. I promise babe." He kissed the mop of brown hair and held the shaking boy tighter. "I'll never let you cry like this. Never again. You'll always smile from now on. I love your smile."

***

The next week was very busy for Louis. He had to go to work. He had to go to the hospital to visit Anne, Harry's mom, and make sure everything was going alright. He had to take care of Harry.

Well, actually, it was the other way around. Harry was the one taking care of Louis. He cleaned the house, tidied everything up after Louis. The house was no longer a mess. 

The boy made sure they had everything in the fridge and the cupboards so he could cook for Louis. It was no longer just a flat, it was a home now.  
Harry was happy. His mom looked healthier in the new hospital. He could go back to school again. He had a home and a hero to take care of him.  
Louis was his hero.

Harry was safe.

"Payno!" Louis called from the doorway of the room where Liam was filming a scene with Zayn acting. The big guy was furious, frowning at the bed where he was filming Zayn making love to another man. 

Liam knew it was their job. This mansion, this porn thing was the reason he met Zayn, the man he loved the most. He knew and believed in the fact that he was straight. But none of these things meant he couldn't be jealous. Zayn was precious and important. And Liam couldn’t be nonchalant about watching him having sex with another man. Or another person for that matter. 

So, when his boss called him, he was so happy and grateful to look away and leave the room in a blink of an eye.  
"Yeah?" He said quietly, closing the door behind.  
It was the first time after the Harry incident that Louis was talking to him.  
"Zayn filming?" Louis asked a bit awkwardly, pointing at the room.  
Liam nodded, staring at the door angrily as if the poor thing had offended him.  
Louis always called them a couple, boyfriends. Because, seriously, love is not about the gender, it's about the person. Even a blind person could tell these two had chemistry. But Liam was so set on being straight that he could not see he was in love with Zayn in a more-than-just-friends way. 

"Wanna go out then?" The older man asked, trying his best not to tease. "I want you to meet someone."  
Raising one eyebrow in question, Liam looked at his boss. "Who?"  
"Just, come with me, yeah? You'll see." Louis stated. "I need your help."  
Louis needed his help. And he wasn't angry anymore. Liam nodded, "Sure."  
And that's how they ended up in the hospital. Sitting on a chair, in a white room, looking at a pale, dark haired, beautiful sleeping woman, attached to numerous different equipment, Liam was waiting for his best friend to explain the reason.

Louis was standing on the other side of the bed, staring at the woman.

"Who-"

"Harry's mom." Louis whispered. "She's got esophageal. It's an incurable cancer, in most cases. Killed so many people ever since its existence. The cancer attacks the cells of the tube that carries food from throat to the stomach. Why it happened to her? No specific reason. Is there a cure or she's actually going to die?" He shrugged. "No one knows for sure. But, there's always hope, right?" He looked at Liam, biting his lip.

A very long pause. Liam staring at Louis solemnly, tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. "I thought you've forgiven me, Lou." Liam whispered, hurt. "I thought we were ok now that the kid is safe. Why are you doing this to me? Why?" The big guy tried not to cry.

"What?" Louis was shocked at first. But then it dawned on him. Liam was still hurt over their quarrel back then. He was still upset and thought Louis was paying him back by bringing him here.  
"No. You don't need that Li. You don't need me to forgive you. I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable. But this," he pointed at the pale, thin woman on the bed, "In no way is your fault. How could it possibly be? I didn't take you here to hurt you mate."  
"Then why? What is this all about?"  
"Anne," Louis said looking at the woman still sleeping, "She thinks she's... you know..." he sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. "She told me the other day that if anything were to happen to her, she wanted me to take care of her son. She said she trusted me, me, of all people. Can you believe that? She said I'm a good guy." Louis sighed again as he rubbed his neck with both hands, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips. "I don't know what to do Li. I'm... I'm scared dammit!" 

Liam was shocked. This woman had asked Louis, a perfect stranger, to take care of her son because she thought she was going to die. And Louis was dealing with this all alone. It was a big deal for Louis because it was a lot of responsibility and Louis was afraid of responsibility all his life. He always feared that he couldn't do things right. That he would fail. 

"Lou," he stood up and padded towards his friend now standing by the window, resting his forehead against the cool surface. Liam put both hands on Louis' shoulders and squeezed them gently.  
"If you don't want to do it, we can think of other ways. Besides, it's not like she's going to die tomorrow. We-"  
"No, Li. Thing is... what scares me most is that I want to. I really, really want to. I want to take care of that kid. If anything happens to Anne, I swear to God I don't want her to die or anything, but if anything happens to her, I want to be all Harry's got. That kid is... he's really great. Special. Harry deserves a lot of things and I want to give him those things. A good life included."

He turned to watch Liam, tears in his eyes. "Li, I can't think of a life without that boy in it. I know, I’m miserable taking care of myself but there’s something about Harry… I don't know what. But, now that I know him, I honestly don’t want to experience not having him. And it's nothing sexual, ok? Don't give me that look. It's just... taking care of him, talking to him, going out with him, him taking care of me... everything... it all just feels so darn good. It's like I needed all that all my life. Like I need to be his rock, for him to need me." He leaned toward his shocked friend, sobbing in his neck, "I'm scared of that, Li. Help me figure it out." 

***

He did figure out what to do in the end. 

***

It was a Saturday morning and for some unknown reason, the mansion was crowded. People, mostly naked people, were walking around, exiting one room and entering another. Moaning and dirty talk polluting the air. 

Louis was busy instructing his new director when he saw him coming in. Louis' smile was big as he saw the gorgeous, tall boy, clad in his usual black skinny jeans and brown boots with a dark blue cardigan sweatshirt under his black coat waltzing in. The mop of curly brown hair covered by a bandana, walked towards him with a big dimpled smile. If you’d asked Louis, he would say a fully clothed Harry is way, way, way more attractive and sexy than all those naked men.

"Hey Lou." He waved at the older man who was taking in this beautiful sight.  
"Hello there." Louis said, opening his arms to engulf the boy in his arms. "You look stunning babes. Where are you headed?"  
"Not so bad yourself, love." Harry complimented, grinning. "Going out on a date."  
"Not again!" Louis wanted to shout. But he didn't. He didn't even let his face fall. No change at all. Instead he smiled a fake yet believable smile; something he had mastered during the past few years, since Harry started dating all those wrong people.  
"Oh? Who is the lucky guy?" He asked.  
"Dan. Met him at work the other day. He seemed nice." Harry said, not looking at Louis. "What's the fuss for today? So many people. And where are Zayn and Liam?"  
"Busy day today. A few groupsex filming and stuff." The older man replied. "That's uncle Zayn and uncle Liam for you, young Harold, when are you going to learn that?" He teased, flicking the boy’s nose playfully. Harry stuck his tongue out at him. "And they're probably hiding somewhere with no cameras, snogging each other in private." He sighed in mock irritation and Harry laughed.  
"Let them be." The younger boy said. "Their relationship is difficult what with Zayn being a star."

When did Harry become so mature?  
Time flies. It does, especially when you stop counting the lonely days and start living a life.  
Harry turned nineteen last week. He had started working in a bakery since he turned sixteen. He was living with Louis, officially, for good, since Anne died, six years ago. Wow. It's been a long time since that awful day when he found the boy crying on one of these beds. A lot has changed. 

"So, you'll be late? Do I wait for you for a late dinner, or-" Louis asked.  
"Dunno, really. Will call you."  
"Oh my God, look who's here!" An extremely happy voice called from somewhere in the crowd.  
"Zayn!" Harry said, hugging the god-like figure tightly. It was still unbelievable how beautiful Zayn was.  
The actor smacked Harry on the head. "That's uncle Zayn for you, you little rascal."  
"Told ya." Louis smirked.  
"Hey Harry. How are you love?" It was Liam, hugging the still grinning boy.  
"Hey Li." Harry hugged the big guy back. "Your boyfriend hit me. I'm very disappointed now."  
Another smack.  
"Ouch!" Harry turned to a smirking Zayn while noticing a very amused Louis in his peripheral vision.  
"Uncle Liam! Show some respect, kid." Zayn scolded him.  
"But uncle makes you look old! I don't like that. You guys are sexy as hell and uncle is so... um... unsexy?" Harry whined.  
The other three laughed at him.  
"Unsexy?!" Liam chuckled.  
"That even a word?" Louis asked.

Harry was about to retort when his phone rang. He smiled, answering it. Louis tried to fight his frown. "It's his date." He explained to his friends when Harry walked away to talk in privacy.  
"Lou-"  
"No, 'm fine." He forced a smile.

"Ok, guys, I have to go now. See you around." Harry said when he hung up, pocketing his iPhone.  
"So soon?" Zayn pouted. "Thought you were here for the sex... Thought I could finally fuck you-"  
"Shut up!" Liam and Louis groaned at the same time Harry let out a loud bark of laughter.  
Zayn smirked. 

***

Time flies. Yes. But it does not fly when you are counting your lonely moments.  
Louis was lounging on the couch, a bottle of beer in one hand and the remote in the other, as he browsed the channels aimlessly while drinking the beer. He was alone.  
Harry was out on another date with that same guy from a few months ago. It has been four months actually. Louis didn't care at first, because he thought it would be just like the other relationships Harry had before. Nothing serious. A few dates, two or three weeks of going out, at most a month, and then a break up and life was back to normal again.  
But this time, it was different, Louis could feel it. Harry was genuinely happy this time. This relationship lasted more than a month. Harry was literally living with the other guy, he had even said something about moving out once.  
Louis was back to being alone and he hated it. He hated the fact that he couldn't bring himself to like Harry's boyfriend. He hated the fact that he couldn't bring himself to be happy because Harry was happy, and Harry's happiness was all he ever wished for. He couldn't even pretend to be happy. He was pouting, sulking and huffing all the time when Harry was around. 

He hated everything.

The key turned in the lock and the door clicked open, revealing a mop of brown curly hair.  
Harry.  
"Hi, Hello~~." The younger boy sing song, towing his boots off in the doorway, voice zestful.  
Louis felt sick in the stomach.  
"Guess what?" Harry skipped in front of Louis, a big dimpled smile on display. He was giddy.  
Louis felt sick. Like, his stomach was being, forcefully, pulled down. He didn't want to guess. He didn't want to be there. He drank the rest of the beer in one big swig.  
"I'm gonna move in with Dan!" Harry stated enthusiastically. "Isn't that great?"

Was it really great?  
Louis just stared at him, no words leaving his mouth. He wanted to say something, anything, but his lips were sealed.He couldn't even open his mouth.  
It felt bad, as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head. He was cold.

Harry's smile fell.  
"Lou? You okay, love?" He asked, concerned.

Love.

Louis should've known better, calling someone sweet names or pet names didn't necessarily mean anything. He should've known that this was bound to happen one day. Harry growing up, falling in love, leaving...  
He knew, and he thought he was ready for it.  
He wasn't.

"Lo-"  
Louis flinched at the touch to his shoulder. Harry was worried, frowning, waiting for an answer, a reaction maybe.  
"Yeah. No. I'm not good... Guess I drank too much... sorry, have to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow, yeah?" He said, getting to his feet and staggering to his bedroom. 

Harry was moving out.

Harry was leaving Louis behind.

This was really happening. It was real.

***

"I warned you years ago. I did." Zayn said calmly, sitting on a chair in front of Louis. "I told you it was insane. You didn't listen. You never listen."

"You lo-"

"No, Liam. Don't!" Louis stopped the man mid-sentence sharply. "I don't. I can't. That's sick!" He wasn't looking at his friends. Louis couldn't see their worried looks. He didn't see their frowns.

"But you do. It's killing you." Liam tried once again. "You lived like this for years. Just listen to us for once Lou. Let him know. He deserves to know."

Louis was shaking his head repeatedly. "No. He'll hate me. He will think I'm some pedophile... a sick old man... I can't do that. I can't let him hate me." He was shaken. Louis was sad, desperate, torn.

"He won't hate you, silly." This time Zayn was trying to convince his best mate. "You know him better than anyone. He never hates people. He doesn't have a definition for hate in his dictionary. He'd never hate you. You of all people should know that."

"How is that supposed to make me feel better Zayn?" Louis whined, folding his arms on his desk and hiding his face on them. "He can't hate me, yes, but he will pity me. That's even worse!"

Exasperated, Zayn got to his feet, ruffling his own hair in frustration. "Then what are you gonna do?"

A very long pause. Silence. Nobody said anything. A pregnant silence. Until...  
"Will get used to it."

The couple looked at each other in shock. “Lou, you can’t!” Zayn stated seriously, somehow managing not to shout.

“You were the one who told me that love is sacred and that it happens to you whether you want it or not.” Liam started, voice soothing. “You told me to look at Zayn as a human, not as a man, and see if I could really live a day without him. You told me to forget about the sex for a minute. You helped me figure out my shit years ago. You’re going through the same thing today, so I’m gonna tell you the same things Lou, because it seems to me that you need to hear them,” he paused for a second, glancing a look at his fiancé then at his boss.  
“Love is love, it’s not about the sex, it’s not about the age, and it’s not even about the time. It happens to you only once. Keep him, don’t let him go. You know you’ll regret it when he’s gone.”

Louis was now up and staring out the window, his back towards the room. Zayn walked towards Liam and leaned towards him, resting his hands on the armrests and smiling at the man he loved. “That was so cool babes.” He whispered pecking the man on the lips.

***

And Louis tried, really hard, to get used to it. He did. But it was hard.  
He was in his house, which felt extremely huge and empty after Harry had moved out, laying on his couch where he used to spend the lazy Sunday afternoons with Harry, but this time cuddling another man. Niall. He was a nice lad, Louis got to know him through business, went out on a date with him once, didn't work out between them, therefore they decided to stay friends. 

Where Niall was, you would always hear laughter or see big true smiles. But he also knew when to stay quiet and let you have your time. Louis was having his time at the moment, clung to Niall's side, eyes closed, listening to the guy's steady, calming heartbeat, while Niall ran a soothing hand up and down Louis' arm.

The key turned in the lock. Two people stepped in the foyer with big smiles on their faces. Harry still had his keys.  
"Harry?" Louis asked, still attached to Niall's side.  
The curly haired boy saw them; Louis in another man's arms, clinging, looking so calm and relaxed.  
For a very brief second Louis thought he saw a flash of anger in those green eyes, but then Harry was smiling and talking. Louis must have just imagined that.  
"Who's your friend here, Lou?" The younger boy asked, bending to hug a very shocked Louis tight and maybe glaring at the stranger next to him.  
"Niall." Niall introduced himself with a bright smile when Harry pulled away and straightened, Dan immediately by his side. "Nice to finally meet ya, Harry."  
"Yeah, you too." Harry wasn't interested in him. That was cute. Niall turned to Louis, kissed his cheek with a gentle, fond smile. And when Louis turned to look at him with one raised brow he said; "Drinks, maybe?"  
"Right." Louis nodded. "Beer?" He asked the couple occupying the loveseat, where he used to cuddle a very younger Harry the nights he woke up from nightmares and needed to be as close to Louis as possible. It was a long time ago. Harry probably didn’t need him like that no more. Dan nodded. Harry got up, "I'll help." 

Once in the kitchen, Louis got four bottles of beer out of the fridge and handed them to Harry who opened them one by one. Then he moved to grab a bag of chips and poured some in a bowl.  
"So, your boyfriend?" Harry asked, strangely calm. Expression blank, unreadable.  
"Who? Niall?" Louis chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, he's a friend."  
"But he seems to be more than that."  
"Harry." Louis didn't like conversations like this. They always ended up badly.  
"He was holding you and he kissed you." Harry groaned, throwing the tablecloth in his hand on the counter.  
Silence.  
Louis stared at the younger boy and crossed his arms.  
"What?" Harry snapped, voice low.  
Dan and Niall were busy talking about some football shit Harry wasn't interested in.  
"So now I can't kiss or hug people?" Louis asked.  
Harry's eyes were wide. The green eyes shining dimly. "I didn't mean that..."  
"Hazza, I have my own life. You left. I'm a pathetic lonely man who gets on the verge of suicide on Sunday nights. I sleep alone, I wake up alone, go to work, hear people fucking for hours on a daily basis and then come back to an empty flat." Harry opened his mouth to say something but Louis stopped him with a raise of a hand. "It's not your fault. I'm happy for you. I really am. But this is my life. And I hate loneliness. So excuse me if I cuddle with a friend, I need it."  
"Lou?" Niall called from the other room. "Babe you need help?"  
"Nope. Coming." Louis called back, giving Harry one last look before leaving the kitchen with a tray on his hands.

***

When he opened the door on Tuesday night to step in a dark lonely empty house, he didn't expect to see Harry crying on the loveseat. Their loveseat.  
First, Louis just stood there staring at Harry in shock. What had happened? What was he doing here? No, forget about those, why was he crying? 

"Lou," the younger boy whined, voice raspy due to crying. And with that, the older man literally ran the few steps and soon he was holding the boy in his arms.  
Harry was shaking, letting out sobs, while hiding his face in Louis' chest and clutching at the older man's shirt like a lifeline. It reminded Louis of a very younger version of Harry, who, surprisingly, was so small Louis could cradle him in his arms on his lap. Today, he was the one sitting on the boy's lap. Today, he was the smaller one. 

Automatically, his hand travelled up to card through the crying boy's hair and sighed in relief when it actually calmed Harry.  
"Babes," Louis murmured in Harry's curls softly. "What is it?"  
Pulling away just enough to rub his nose over his sleeve, Harry mumbled under his breath; "Dan broke up with me."  
“Could his voice get any deeper?” Louis wondered.

Louis' eyes were the size of saucers at the information. But what he felt at the moment was a combination of sadness and happiness, anger and relief, hot and cold. "Wha-why?" He forced the words out.  
Harry shook his head, hiding those sad, glassy green eyes from Louis. Louis loved those eyes. By not looking at him, Harry was killing him.  
"Hazz?" Louis pushed one more time.  
"Not now Lou, please." 

And Louis nodded. If that was what Harry wanted. He didn't want to talk. He wasn't ready to talk.  
The older male planted a loving kiss on Harry's creased forehead, lingering for a second longer than usual. Harry closed his eyes and sighed shakily.  
"Tea?" Louis asked, pulling away, hands cupping the innocent boy's tear stained cheeks and wiping at them.  
Harry nodded with a weak shaky smile.  
"It's the fake smile." Louis thought. With one finger he poked Harry's cheek where he knew the dimple was hiding. "Smile."  
The boy chuckled and the dimple appeared. Louis grinned. "Tea." He stood up and headed for the kitchen.

He filled the kettle with water then put it on the stove and ignited it, waiting for the water to boil. All he could hear was silence.  
Harry was back. Harry was out of a relationship. Harry was home. And damn Louis for being so selfishly happy. 

"Why do you always choose the wrong person to love Hazza?" He asked the steel kettle, voice barely a whisper. Therefore, when a deep, hoarse voice replied from behind, Louis nearly screamed and knocked the kettle over. Nearly. He didn't scream, he squeaked, and he didn’t knock the kettle, just burned his finger. "Fuck, Harry!" He cursed, sucking his burned index finger inside his mouth.  
Harry frowned. Stepped towards Louis.  
"You ok?" He tried to hold the older man's hand, but Louis brushed it off with a nod. "'M fine. What did you say when you just sneaked up on me like a ghost?"  
"Didn't just sneak up on you like a ghost. You were so lost in your own little world." Harry defended himself with a pout. "I said, it wasn't Dan's fault." He looked down, suddenly their bare feet on the parquet more interesting. Oh, and the size difference. Louis was so tiny comparing to him. 

The older man scoffed. The kettle whistled. "As if!" Louis said, grabbing two mugs and filling them with steaming water. Then he turned to open a cupboard and put a teabag in each, remembering to add sugar in Harry's.  
"You're so nice babe, always blaming yourself when those assholes leave you or cheat on you." He handed the boy his mug and went to sit at the table, Harry following.  
"It's me Lou, it's not them." Harry whispered, cupping his mug in both hands, averting his eyes from the man before him. Dan was a good guy. All of his exes were good guys.  
"Please." Louis rolled his eyes.  
"No, Lou. It is me. It has always been me." Harry said a tad louder. He couldn’t control his anger now. He couldn’t control it anymore if Louis kept this up. "I am the jerk cheating on my boyfriends." He felt guilty. He hated himself.  
Louis was definitely taken aback. "Cheating? You? Hazz-"  
"What? Little Hazza is an angel?" The curly haired scoffed. "I cheated on them with you!" Harry finally confessed, glassy green eyes locked with dark blue eyes. "I used them to forget you. I kissed them to stop myself from the temptation of kissing you every time you were close. I started half-assed relationships in order to forget you and how I felt for you... hoping that maybe, maybe I could find someone better than you and be able to give up on this one-sided love. But it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough to stop me from loving you... from wanting you."  
Louis was gaping. He felt paralyzed; unable to move any part of his body. Unable to even blink.  
Harry didn’t want this to happen. He, himself, was shocked at how suddenly he had let all of his pent up emotions out. But since he had started, he better get it over with.  
"I tried my best to stay away from you, to kill this unrequited love." Harry continued, looking down at the table, one hand gripping the roots of his curls. "I didn't want you to find out, didn't want you to hate me, to feel disgusted. After all, I was the boy you saved years ago and looked after. I owe everything to you. How could I do this? How could I fall for you? I'm sorry Lou. Please, don't hate me. Please. I just... I..." The rush of tears stopped the flood of words Harry wanted to say. 

Harry loved him. 

Don't hate me. He said. 

"How could I ever hate you?" Louis murmured.  
Harry looked up, green eyes rimmed red from so much crying. "Lou?" He couldn't believe his ears.  
"You're all I've got Hazz." He said. Unable to stop the words. Unable to stop staring at the boy before him so fondly. Unable to use the logical part of his brain. It felt like all his body was his beating heart at that moment. He could hear his heart drumming in his ears. He could feel his heart beat throughout his body, rushing blood through all the veins madly. He could feel his heart turning into a lump in his throat and giving a trembling edge to every word leaving his mouth. Louis was his heart at that moment. He couldn't hear his brain yelling at him to stop, that this was wrong, that he will regret it. All he could hear was his heart. 

"Those big innocent green eyes are my world. I breathe you in every second I'm with you, you're like air for me. I live for the moments I get to hug you. I worship your stupid curls and want to run my fingers through them every minute of every day. You were, are and will be the reason for my smile, my happiness. Hate you?" He paused, taking Harry's sight in; wet face, a hand covering his mouth as he tried to muffle the sobs, eyes hopeful and shocked. "Harry I love you so damn much, how could I ever hate you?"

From the point of view of an outsider, it looked fast, hasty. The confessions and all. But from Louis and Harry’s point of view, it was just sudden, not fast. They had spent years hiding those feelings, it has been a very long time. Anything but fast.

"Yo-you love me?" Harry stuttered after a minute, hopeful.  
A gentle smile covered Louis' also tear stained face. "Madly."  
In a blink of an eye Harry was up and leaning across the small table towards Louis, cupping one cheek in one big hand. A short pause. Eyes searching; making sure. Then, in a gentle move, Harry's thick soft lips were on Louis' thin lips.  
It was a blissful moment. It was, until Louis' heart stopped beating like mad, until his brain stepped in and Louis pushed Harry away, gently.  
He couldn't do this. It was wrong. God damn, it felt so good and perfect, but it was wrong. 

"Lou?" The frown was back on Harry's face.  
"We can't." Louis said, getting to his feet and leaving the kitchen, not looking at Harry. If he looked at him, Louis knew all he could see was disappointment, sadness, confusion, and more tears, plus, maybe, hatred. No, he couldn't look at Harry and know that he was the reason behind that look.  
"What?" Harry spat, following him out of the kitchen. "You said you loved me." His voice cracked.  
Louis hated himself.  
"Did you lie to me?" Harry asked again. He wanted answers. "Lou!" That raspy voice was demanding answers.  
"We can't." Louis tried, but words weren't enough to explain their situation, his thoughts, and his worries.  
"You said that once. Why?" Harry was angry, trying hard to keep his voice under control.  
"I'm thirty two years old Harry." Louis said, looking at Harry with pleading eyes. Pleading Harry to just understand what he meant. To understand that Louis loved him, wanted him; always had, always will, but that it was impossible.  
"We can't."  
Harry's eyes were wide. "You're kidding, right?" He said, shocked. "You can't be serious. This stupid age gap can't be the reason!" The young boy was mad.  
"Harr-"  
"No, Louis!" Louis was interrupted sharply. "You can't do this to me. Not like this." Green eyes were glaring at Louis.  
"I was ready to hear you hated me, that you were disgusted. I was ready for you trying to let me down easy. I was ready for a loud obnoxious laugh and you shrugging it off as if it was a big joke. But you love me! You fucking love me!" He was panting now, getting closer to Louis. "You can't just back out now. Not with that excuse."  
"I'm thirteen years older than you!" Louis snapped. "It's not an excuse! I can't give you certain things in a few years. I can't be what you want. You can't hold my hand in public, because people talk! I'll be an old man in a few years, just when you become so fucking sexy and so fucking beautiful. Even now, as this lanky stupid teenager, men die to have you, how am I supposed to go through the hell in ten or fifteen years when you-" a huge hand covered his mouth. When did Harry get this close?  
"I don't care.” Harry whispered, his green eyes moving between Louis’ blue eyes and his red lips. “I want you even when your hair is as white as your teeth and your face and body is stained with wrinkles." He continued assuredly, honestly, truthfully. "I'll love you when you're a gorgeous hot old man. Even when you’re toothless. I just love you, no matter what." Louis chuckled at that. 

Harry smiled, staring at the man he loved, intensely. The older man lost himself in those green eyes. "I love you Lou, I don't care about anything else as long as you love me too." Those eyes were sincere, those lips never opened to lie, not to Louis at least.  
Louis' hands came up to cover Harry's on his mouth. Removing the huge hand, Louis sobbed "Harry."  
And Harry knew then that Louis was his. For the rest of eternity.  
Green met blue. Deep forests collided with deep blue oceans. 

Harry leaned in and kissed those tempting lips and Louis kissed back. This time they didn't pull back until their lungs were screaming for air and even then Louis continued kissing Harry's jaw, Harry's cheeks, Harry's ears, Harry's neck, breathing in the muskiness that was Harry and the cold bitterness that was his cologne. "I love you" Louis kissed it all over the boy's body later, when they were hot and sweaty in bed and even after that, tucked in and sated.

Harry spooned him, tangling their legs, linking their hands and nuzzling Louis' neck and kissing it, "You're all I've got. You're my world. You're the center of the universe and wherever I go, I'll find my way back to you... You're my home, love."  
"I'm yours." Louis whispered, voice tired, sleepy and warm.  
Harry smiled.

***

The next morning when Louis opened his eyes, he wasn't in an empty bed, and there were no notes on the pillow where Harry had rested his head on the previous night, saying he was out to buy groceries or such. No cliché.  
When he opened his eyes, he could feel Harry's steady hot breaths hitting his bare neck and shoulder, making goose bumps raise on Louis' skin. Louis could feel Harry's long arm wrapped around his waist, and the boy’s large hands covering his belly. 

It was heartwarming. 

Louis wanted this for so long.  
Then, a pair of soft lips laid a very soft kiss at his nape, making Louis shiver. Harry was awake.  
Louis turned in Harry's arms and just stared at the young boy. The messy curly sex hair, the bright green wonderful eyes, the rosy red lips which Harry constantly bites, nervous or not. Harry's soft, pale skin. 

"Don't tell me you regret what happened last night." The boy said, terrified. A frown forming on his face.  
Regret? Louis? Last night?  
"What?" Louis croaked, eyes wide. "What? No! Why would I ever- hell, Harry! No!" He said, bringing one hand up to cover the boy's soft cheek and rubbing his thumb under his beautiful green eye. Louis knew, he was staring at him like a lovesick teenage girl. He knew his blue eyes were fixed on Harry's green ones, filled with fondness and adoration. And he didn't care anymore if his eyes were giving him away. He wanted Harry to know. So, he smiled, met Harry's lips with his own in a soft sweet kiss and whispered: "Never regret anything that involves being with you."

Harry smiled. A beautiful, big, dimpled smile.

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hi.  
> After a very long time I'm here to talk to you people and ask for something: PLZ do leave comments when you read this story. ^_^  
> Thank You


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